One month
Posted on: 2026-08-21 22:17:00
READING: the Murderbot diaries
PLAYING: mother 3

One month. I will be living with my girlfriend in one month. The plans are set in motion. I am pondering it all. Uuuu. I still don’t really know how I’m gonna pull off putting my whole live in a couple of suitcases but I’m doing my best lol. Lots of anxiety regarding my PC and if it will survive the trip. I don’t know much about computers actually. I should fix this someday. Oh well. 

In any case I’m excited. I’m scared to try job hunting again but I have nepotism up my sleeve this time so I think it’ll be fine… maybe… I’m still sort of traumatized from my other interviews that I thought went well but then turned into a rejection email, so we’ll see. Lots to think about. I’m sure I’ll forget something in the scramble, but I’ve tried to prevent this by starting to pack now. Mostly things I know I won’t need for the next month, like most of my seasonal clothing. But at some point I am gonna have to bite the bullet and pack that damn PC. UUUUUGH. Moving sucks. I’ve never done it before. I am terrified. 

I haven’t been drawing much lately but I’ve been working on music again. I want to make an album for the sake of making an album… not just music for the sake of a game. I think it would be fun. I already have some songs in the works for it though the direction is still vague currently. 

I feel like I had more stuff to talk about, but I forgot. Move soon. I’ll miss my cats a lot. I’ll have to work hard so I can pay for an apartment of our own and my cats can come live with us… yes… here’s hoping everything goes perfect (it certainly won’t, but let’s hope anyway.)
It’s time to start living
Posted on: 2026-08-04 21:30:00
READING: before the coffee gets cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

I keep meaning to make this post but then I keep forgetting. Me and my girlfriend may live together soon. We have been talking about it for a long time, but with the assumption that it would not happen for a long time. Sometime in the next couple of years. Admittedly I’m not sure what I was waiting for. My brother and SIL came home and gave me a big talk about getting my shit together. I can’t blame them, I’m very pathetic. In any case, the desire to move to WA came about, and my brother asked me why I don’t just try and do it if I feel like I can’t get a job here. So, I suppose we have to think about it seriously now.

Admittedly there’s a lot of stressors involved and it feels like more and more only pop up. How do I mail my stuff from home to the new place? How will I get a new job? Will I be able to rely on the nepotism of Cygnus and his connections? How will I cope with no longer having a bedroom of my own? Of living with someone else’s family? I’m just not sure. My social anxiety is bad and I’m straight up agoraphobic again, so moving to another state sounds like a silly idea. But I’ve never had a life goal before this. I like making art but besides that life is quite dull to me. So maybe this is how I make life feel worth living. I’m not sure. Only one way to find out, right?

We are hoping to do this before the end of the year. I’m not sure. I think a lot of my current worries would become inconsequential if I had Cygnus around. He’s not even the best at comforting me all the time but he tries his best and I certainly can’t say that for any other person I’ve ever met. I hope he doesn’t read this it would be embarrassing. I’m excited to live with you even if something horrible happens and all our plans fall through. I’m scared of making you hate me with the way I live but I’m not sure if it’s possible from someone like you.

Well, that’s the big life update. At the moment I’m pretty depressed for other inconsequential reasons but talking about them would be stupid so I won’t. I’ll try to focus on the possible nice things to come even if I believe they will be taken away from me. Closes my eyes.