wawa
Posted on: 2026-06-16 22:17:00

Im back from vacation!

so why do i feel so tired?


family vacations stress me out immensely. there were fun moments, but there were a lot of upsetting and awkward ones too, and i dunno if i really care enough to recount all of it on my silly little blog. I had a lot of strawberry daquiris. 

honestly, now that ive been back home, it already feels like it never happened to begin with. how lovely. but time still passed by and i must suffer the consequences. how unlovely.

still stressed about working on my TYVNJ game.. i only got a month left, and yet i am uncompromising on my huge sprawling vision that i want to make all by myself. IS HE STUPID? maybe so. but i will continue working on it and hope for the best! the jam grind is like crack to me. Truth be told, i am terrified, but its hard to quantify why... Do i care about losing? well, winning would be nice, but it's not like i havent lost before... I think I am just scared of making something that isn't good as other people's stuff?! i'm not sure! creative FOMO is a bitch. 

on another note, i have hung out with friends a lot since i got home. playing a lot of repo, my obsession. it makes me happy that people like to play video games with me, even though i am loud and annoying and look back on those moments in a mortified way. 

i don't think i had a point behind writing this entry besides to confirm that i didn't die at sea. still jobless. still balling. GOOD NIGHT.
Still trucking
Posted on: 2026-05-31 01:08:00
WATCHING: Mobile Suit Gundam, other seasonal animes
PLAYING: Automaton Heart

I'm still unemployed! Yay! It's been like a month now. Truth be told, I have a decent amount of savings to live on and my sister still has a job, so it's not as bad as it could be. However, the NEETmoding has taken an insane toll on my mental, especially coupled with the fact that my sister is supporting me essentially! I feel like a huge waste of space, oh no!

That job interview I mentioned went poorly, I guess, because I did not get hired.. not sure what I did wrong, if I'm being honest. I do often say I'm socially inept, and I make a lot of mistakes when anxious for sure... But the bar is also way lower than I assume it is. Public interactions in general are always kind of strange. There are a lot of weird people in this world who lack any self awareness. That is to say, isn't it better that I at least know I'm strange? Maybe not, because it makes me self conscious..

It might also be that nebulous Job Market at play. I have no idea how to navigate such a thing, and anyone who could really teach me is gone. My sister has had the same job for the last five years and it was the second job she's ever had so she doesn't have much experience either. My brother is... well...... let's just say he is god's favorite so his advice doesn't help me much. LOL. It sucks to be the loser sibling, but at least it means I am not dead on the street. Sorry for not contributing anything.

Well, I've kind of put job search off to the side for the moment regardless. I am going on a ~Family Vacation~ next week. We had this planned since last year. It was my brother and his wife's idea. Lol. I feel extra bad going in a vacation when I am being a huge loser NEET but it's not like I can Unpay for it now. Kail going on a boat. Imagine a purple cat drinking a martini on the beach. That will be me. I am admittedly anxious about the whole affair, but when am I not anxious? That is the question.

On the overall bright side, I finally cut my hair uber short. I've been wanting to for a long time, but socializing with a hairdresser stressed me out bc I'm stupid. I was finally peer pressured into it though and it feels great. It still doesn't feel real admittedly, it just feels like I'm wearing a permanent ponytail... it's better this way. I've always had an androgynous affect, and I think my hair being short will finally solidify this. I also have a decent vocal register but I'm working on making it even lower. Just through casual exercise.. so we'll see if anything comes of that.

What else? Oh, I'm incredibly stressed about TYVNJ2 still. I want to make something but I'm burnt out, and I'm not good at asking for help. Not sure what help I would even want!

I realize I've put too much credence on my art and what it means to my sense of self. Well, I've known this for years, but I'm going to talk about it again. It's kind of the only way I feel I can truly communicate with other people, so of course I have to make it. And of course, if I'm not able to make it, then I might as well fade away... Lol, that's stupid right? But it is what I believe. I think I need to talk to more people outside of that context, or just in general, but it feels so difficult. I dont feel like I have other personal qualities. Playing secondlife is nice but I still don't feel like I'm achieving what I want yet. How do you hold a conversation? How do you repeat that process? How do you sustain a self that is a person worth conversating with? These are the questions I ask myself.  Ones that don't matter very much, with no action behind them..

I suppose it's silly to question oneself so late at night. My mind is bouncing all over.. Bed time!
Sludge
Posted on: 2026-05-18 11:52:00
I woke up with pain in my stomach today. It feels like heartburn but I am not sure. Usually it doesn’t last so long! But I ate a lot of food before going to bed last night. I blame my hormones and poor impulse control. My sister is trying to show me a tiktok so now I’m losing focus on what this entry was supposed to be about. 

IDK if I mentioned it in last entry, but I quit my job. My horrible convenience store job. It was a small business and even though the rules were slack, the lack of structure and constantly being taken advantage of was really getting to me. Also I hate selling vices to people… I hate selling cigarettes and alcohol.  It was kind of an impulsive and bad decision because I don’t have another job lined up yet, but it all feels like a bad dream now. So that’s kind of nice, even if it’s a consequence of my dissociative state. I am stressed about lack of job and falling into my old NEET habits as a result but oh well!!
I actually had a job interview the other day but im not sure if it went well because it was my first interview ever and im kinda socially inept. I hope it did? But I also worry this job will have me working full time and that sounds kind of dreadful. But maybe being a wage slave will make me more normal. I don’t know. 

Work on subtractive Runemixer going well I think. The third dungeon is mostly done, but I worry it has structural issues… actually I’m worried abt that with the entirety of the game. It’s too much to explain in a blog entry, but I want to make a game that’s worth purchasing. I would like to release it commercially… is it worth it to bloat a game artificially for playtime though..? Is it artificial if I feel good about the result…? I’m not sure. Speaking of commercial releases, Glow of Honeydew will be on steam. How beautiful and wonderful. I hope lots of people play it.

Toxic yuri jam 2 coming up soon but I don’t know if I have the fortitude to make something. I say that and then do it anyway. But my idea for it might just be bigger than I can tackle by myself.. and I have people who say they’d want to help but honestly I’m not really sure what they can contribute to my vision. That feels mean to say though, like my artistic vision is perfect… it’s just that I value a certain stylistic consistency, maybe…? I’m not sure. Let’s sum it up as me being a Control Freak. I might still make something but I don’t know if it’ll be the original idea I Really Want to make. We’ll see in like a week and a half I guess.

Scattered thoughts… scattered thoughts…. I’m in an endless loop of worrying about art and life and stagnation of those two things. Many such cases. I had a strange dream last night where the game I was working on shifted into something completely different. A program that was possessed by some kind of spirit.. I wish I could remember it better. But maybe it’s better that I don’t!
vacation update
Posted on: 2026-04-13 16:52:00
i am in Washington with my girlfriend now. Happy to be with him. I arrived a couple of days ago, on the 11th. Cygnus and I are making it a point to do more things together this time... we both like laying around the house, but it is pleasant to experience new things together.

We tried hotpot yesterday! It was so yummy. We went to a buffet style place where you grab plates for your ingredients and then bring them back to the table... not sure how other places do it. I had a bunch of mushrooms and vegetables, though I tried some wagyu too because Cygnus ordered it for himself. Also udon noodles. It was all so yummy. I accidentally burned some of my noodles but the staff were nice to me about it... was fun.

Afterwards we went to the mall, though it was a very strange mall that really didn't have many interesting stores in it. There was a ufo-catcher arcade but all we won was a strange fuzzy offbrand Kirby keychain. My mold spore. 

I'm trying not to focus on the stressors of creativity and productivity. They're on my mind now though which made me think about the blog and make this post. I actually told my boss I was leaving my job in May, but I haven't properly planned for it. I was just tired of the people and the selling of vices mostly. I wonder if I am making the right choice. We'll just have to see won't we? Of course, I am also stressed about art and feeling like all of the stuff I make is completely worthless. Another day in kail land.

For now, I will have good times with my girlfriend. Or try to at least. We are thinking of going to the market sometime this week, but it'll depend on the weather. It's so hazy and cold here all the time. I kind of like it, but I can also see myself getting tired of it if I live here. It's just novel to me because I'm from horrible summer Hell.

I'll try to update with some more interesting things later in the week.
just need to get through this week (infinite loop)
Posted on: 2026-04-02 20:28:00
PLAYING: Evil Egg, Outer Wilds
LISTENING TO: Give Up - The Postal Service


hello. i am exhausted.

My exhaustion regarding game development has still been persisting, though i can feel it fading away bit by bit... I've chewed a little bit at the third area, and i've thought a lot about the big picture. Will i get it done by the deadlines ive set for myself? no idea. who knows. my job is killing me LOL.

It is hard to describe the ways in which my job is killing me. I don't really like to talk about it openly. If you've worked at a small business or in retail then you will probably already understand.

Next week, I go back to washington to visit Cygnus. This is something to look forward to... I also get to visit another friend I haven;t seen for a long time... It will be fun Hopefully. I do have a few hell shifts to get through before then, but perhaps that will make them easier...

Oh yes, i finally made the leap into buying secondlife land and have my own house now. I think that will be its own post when I am more done with it. Or I'll just update the SL page about it. However, i made a secondlife-speciifc bsky account so that i can have an account for strictly fun stuff. for once. here it is.

hmm.. i thought i had more to talk about, but i suppose i don't. I've been experiencing trouble lately regarding talking. I think I want to and then every time i get the chance, i lose the words. Am I empty? Maybe! Well, I'm having a lot of anxiety revolving around this, so I guess I'll talk about That.

I am sure I am not special in this regard, but I feel like I don't have much to my being besides being an artist. Obviously artists put their everything into their art a lot of the time but most of the ones I know have something outside of that... A hobby, an interest, or something. I struggle sometimes to know what that is for me. Logically I know I have something because I am not God's Most Specialest Lone Wolf but sometimes i.. forget..? i guess... its hard to explain! I think these other factors are what make an artist's work truly special, so feeling like I have nothing also feels like it reflects poorly in my work.. My girlfriend laughs about me saying i am washed but sometimes I feel this way... It feels like it happens more and more often lately LOL.

I think my life is on pause right now. Not sure what to do about it. Mom's death contributes to that but i think it was like this before all that stuff too... I don't want to whine too much on the internet about being lonely because I don't feel like it helps anything, and literally everyone does it, but it is tempting to do every now and then. I do think a lot of my problems are self-inflicted, but I'm not too sure how to solve them yet. I don't know how to muster the confidence required to change things right now.

Thank you to everyone who is nice to me... I know I can be difficult.
valentine's day; pink and precious
Posted on: 2026-02-16 19:43:00
Valentine's day happened. I thought it would be a pretty sad day, for a few reasons... I had to close at work that day, which is a shift I don't really enjoy working. I feel like I can never get anything done on days where I close, LOL. I can't get any task inertia knowing I will go in later you know. It was slow due to a storm in the area which was pleasant, but what wasn't pleasant was the power flickering and breaking the alarm in the last two hours of my shift, so I had to deal with headache-induced beeping since there was no way to fix it immediately.


On a less surface-level note, my late mom always celebrated valentine's day in some way so I couldn't help but think about it. She didn't really come across as a "valentine's day" type person at a glance, but she would always buy me and my sister little gift baskets or blankets or other treats to make that day special. I suppose I kind of took it for granted and assumed everyone's parents did things like that, but I never hear anyone mention it. Furthermore, it was around this time a year ago that she was diagnosed and things spiraled out of control, so it was kind of just a melancholic time if I let my mind wander. Being at work kind of helped with that part, actually, even if I would've rather not been there. My sister also went out that night, so I really would have just been alone with my thoughts after my shift was over.

Luckily, me and my girlfriend decided to watch a movie together on a whim. It was "The Night is Short, Walk on Girl", directed my Masaaki Yuasa. I've watched a few films of his before and they are always delightful-- This one was on my list for a long time but for some reason I have a strong aversion to watching movies very often.


It was a very wonderful film. Yuasa's work always has an almost frantic energy in its pacing from what I've seen so far, but its so heartfelt and silly and really sticks the landing for me. It felt like it was a million years long but it was going a mile a minute during that entire time. Idk how he does it. 

There was a lot of discussion of social isolation, reaching out to others... The recurring theme of having an effect on other people's lives whether you want to or not. It got me emotional. Loneliness feels so insurmountable sometimes, but this movie found me at the right time... Movie that makes me feel like it is going to be okay. Part of me is glad I waited years and years to watch it just so i could with Cygnus instead, it was really great. 


I really need to watch more movies. I need to absorb more things in general honestly. Sometimes I worry I am an empty husk due to not knowing a lot about movies or shows, but on the flipside it makes every movie night with friends more memorable and special to me, it is great as someone who has a bit of a poor memory... I dunno. Me and Cygnus used to watch things weekly but we fell off the ball a little bit... I want to show him Tokyo Godfathers sometime, because it is another one of my favorite films. I have a whole rant I go on every time Satoshi Kon comes up because I am still mad Perfect Blue is the movie everyone praises. LOL. well. anyway.


I have more nice news this week. The game I helped my friends with got released! play Glow of Honeydew right now. I can't rmemeber if I mentioned it in previous entries but I was helping Mala and Bean by doing music, UI, some editing, and some of the additional art. This is my first real collaborative experience and it was really awesome... I am glad people are liking it. I also don't fele like music is my main skill, so Mala wanting me to compose for her story made me happy ^^. Everyone did a great job. 

It is nice to have an artistic pull on a larger project I suppose... When you're a solo dev you make all the decisions obviously, but in a group you influence the end product in more interesting ways... The music for example having a kind of dreamy yet manic vibe, it felt nice to make that decision. The story draft also changed a lot due to input I had, perhaps it will be discussed more in the future. TLDR it was funnnn yaaay playing toys yay


I want to do more collaborations... I really just.. Want to be more of a person to my fellow devs in general. I worry I look stuck up when I am being a social recluse... The truth is kind of the opposite, I don't feel like I am good enough for anyone so I try not to take up too much space in a discussion. This kind of results in me being really normal and regular about innocuous things 👍You know how it is. I'm not super sure where to start with this but I want to change something about it... I get kind of jealous, admittedly, seeing other devs frolic in the fields making amazing projects WITHOUT burning themselves out... I want to be there too!!! being a solo dev sucks!!! But I will still do it because I am a control freak LOL.

Speaking of, I hav enext two days off so hopefully I will get more work done on Subtractive Runemixer. I kind of worry it's not fun or interesting at all, and am losing motivation, but I will try not to be a doomer about it. wish me luck. send me your powers. I am going to go eat soup now.






Washington Trip
Posted on: 2025-12-23 14:58:00
earlier this month, i went on a trip to Washington for a week to see my girlfriend. it was kind of a birthday gift for myself (even if i went the day After my birthday..). it was nice to not be at home, lol. 

 

i got to decorate my cake myself which was definitely a highlight. at home, i always feel anxious to do silly and whimsical things like this, no matter how small. having someone else on board for it made me really happy (i also don't like baking so thank you Cygnus for doing that for me and letting me just do the fun part LOL <3)

we really only had one major outing after that but it was pretty cool. We took the bus(something i am not used to!! public transportation!!!) down to Tacoma to see the Museum of Glass. Glasswork is really amazing, i remember wanting to get into it when i was younger but it never actually happened. This museum has an actual workshop for artisans in it, and it was quite toasty in there.... but Tacoma is fucking cold, so it was nice.

I took a lot of pictures and i'm not going to upload them all, LOL, but here is some of the stuff we saw

     

as you can see, there were obviously a lot of vases and stuff but also some other amazing things. There was actually even more glass bugs but i forgot to take pictures of them i guess, and my phone doesn't even really capture the detail that was present. Working with glass at that scale sounds difficult, it probably cools very quickly doesn't it..? i don't know much about it, lol. i also really loved the floral glasswork since it reminded me of some old stuff from relatives.

there was also a thing they had where professionals made glasswork based off children's submitted drawings which was sooooo cute. i love you cat sunday and hamburger cowboy.

 

afterwards we ate at the museum but i won't lie it was kind of just okay. it was very convenient that they had a cafe though. yay.

Afterwards we went to a cute little craft/junk shop called Tinkertopia. it was really neat. I'm not even sure how to describe the vibe besides it's just. so much stuff. so much. they had a lot of custom packaging with funny quips and stuff on it it was just really cute.

  

This place has scheduled crafting where you can basically rent a work area out for an hour and a half, which we originally came here to do, but we came way earlier than we thought we would and it made me very anxious and irritable for no reason. Looking back on it it was pretty silly, but like I said i am not used to the whimsy that real life can have. Thank you to my girlfriend for dealing with me being that way.

anyway i made a fucking wizard 


i did not get any better photos of him and i left him with my girlfriend so this is wha you're getting for now. sorry. i like him though. his hat is a CD.

....and, um, besides that day, we kind of stayed home a lot. It's cold over there and i am not used to it. i prefer the cold to the heat until i actually have to deal with it, then i become a kailsicle. We ate a lot of yummy food too. It was just great... I am sad that i had to leave, and that's part of why i didn't post about it until now aha... i hope i can go again soon! i love my girlfriend so much yay
its my birthday
Posted on: 2025-11-28 14:14:00
today is my birthday! yay. or, well, kind of yay. i think everyone has complicated feelings about their birthday, aging, and other such things, so i know i am not special when i say i have those too. currently i am home alone on my computer because my sister is at work. so, admittedly, today does not feel very special yet. we'll have dinner later at a restaurant i like which is nice though.

i guess my birthdays always feel a little empty though.. i wish i could celebrate them in the way you see on TV or something. whenever mine rolls around there's just a stark reminder that most of my family doesnt understand me much or know what todo to make me happy, and honestly i don't know the answer to that either...! so it's complicated. the idea of a surprise party is nice, but i am a control freak. the idea of getting gifts is nice, but i hate asking for things. stuff like that. i'm kind of hard to please, admittedly. these petty issues are small potatoes compared to the big thing though which is, well, my mom passing away earlier this year.

i try not to make that fact a core facet of my personality or anything but i can't exactly not think about it on a day like this. my mom was also someone who didn't understand me much, and maybe never could, but i think her desire to do so was larger than that of my siblings or other family. i love my siblings to be clear, and they are doing nice things for me around this time, but some of it feels obligatory i suppose aha.. especially with that context, my sister has basically admitted she's doing some of teh things she's done because it's what mom would have wanted. but what about what i want? what do i want? i don't know, and that's the problem. i feel like there's some bigger and shinier emotions i should be experiencing right now, but i truly don't know how to reach them.


well, it probably seems bad for me to complain so much, huh? what are some good things. Well, tomorrow morning i will be on a flight to visit my girlfriend. i probably mentioned that in an earlier entry. only for a week which never feels like enough, but it is something. it'll be cold there and the clothes i packed most certainly won't be enough but we ball. 

of course the gay people in my phone are sending me well wishes and being niceys to me which i appreciate. thank you everyone. i feel silly replying to every individual on bluesky or tumblr or whatever with "thank you"s, but maybe i should do that. well if any of you read this please know i appreciate it. everyone just wants a little attention you know. maybe more than a little, in my case. heheh.

another thing.. did i mention rorojam? i think i did. well rorojam was kind of a birthday gift to myself too. i had a game i was working on for that but i don't think i will finish it in time for trip.. that's okay though.

hmm...hmmmmmm wish i had more to say. aging is weird and it kinda sucks. i feel like the days leading up to birthday are always more fun than the birthday itself. maybe the idea of a birthday is overinflated? or i don't have the emotional capacity to enjoy it the way i want? i simply don't know. I will eat a yummy soup in about 4 hours though, and it will be awesome. 

art is hard so I'll write instead
Posted on: 2025-11-15 11:38:00
i have hit a creative block again. Drawing is hard atm. I have a commission I should be working on but instead I am dying. Oh well. I'm not sure why my motivation died all of a sudden.. I know it will come back, but I am frustrated since I want to make something for me and Mala's Robotic Romance jam but can't find it in myself to do it... at times like this I wonder why I'm so hesitant to work with others. Part of it is just not having a lot of close friends to begin with, but some people can work with strangers so easily... why not me? I think I'm just afraid of making art for a story I hate, or vice versa. I'm a little bit of a control freak so I just do everything myself. The fool's path.

Well since I mentioned RoRo jam, I'll talk about that too. People seem interested in it and I am happy. I want more robot games.. robot stories.... I like thinking about being something artificial and loving something artificial. I wish robot girls with heart were real instead of the AI slop we have now. Sigh. I think our society is too focused on replacing humanity for such a thing to ever exist the way it does in fiction. How sad,

Also, it is my birthday at the end of the month. 28.. save the date.. if u want. My birthday makes me kind of anxious since [THE EVERMARCHING PASSAGE OF TIME] but also just.. um... I don't spend them with people who understand me.. so it feels a bit hollow I guess... I am thankful for the online wishes I receive every year, but... sometimes a guy just wants to actually have a party with friends, you know? Well, the day after, I am flying out to see my girlfriend. I think it will be awesome. I hate waiting months and months just to see him for only a week but sometimes that's how it is. Long distance is cringe. Rips my skin off.

Games I've played recently... the one that sticks out most is Stray Children. What an interesting follow up to moon. Admittedly the combat mechanic is kind of strange and janky, but it wouldn't be cut from the same cloth if it wasn't a little fucky and obtuse, right? I like it overall, despite my frustrations. I might write more of my thoughts once I finish it. I think I've played for like ten hours but some of the review times I've seen are like a hundred hours and idk how they're getting to that point but WE'LL SEE.

I think I had more to say but I forgot it the second I started writing. Oh well. That's what's going on with me! Goobye 
secondlife is fun
Posted on: 2025-10-23 13:02:00
hello. i havent been using this blog as mucvh as i thought i would. oops! my life is boring. I have been playing a shitload of secondlife to distract from the horrors, so i thought i would talk about that a bit.

i actually tried to make this post once already and it um. got eaten? so i guess this will be a briefer version. lol

the big thing that got me back into it was that RPGMaker Clubhouse got a bigger building to work with, so i got to decorate my own room which was swag


i love stars.. i love ourple... lots of people have been visiting the clubhouse too which has been awesome. i've also been doing more avatar work, but first i want to show the doll avi i made a little bit before this...
(feat. mala. a lot of these are feat. mala actually. hello mawa)

the doll avi is incredibly cute but not super versatile since the body doesnt fit most things. so of course i ahd to experiment again and make a new one. robot...!!!


isn't it cute? i love the tail. i love the silly ear thingies. very cave-story-esque, i made them myself with some prims lol


not sure what else to talk about regarding SL actually.. ive just been exploring a lot, hanging out with friends, trying to even get my girlfriend to start playing it... wish me luck..... But as fun as that stuff is, i guess i find it difficult to talk about it in an interesting way. you just gotta be there i guess!

I need to rework the (currently inaccessible, but it IS on the site) secondlife page, and add these new avatars and talk about them more.. Did you know they have names? my astronaut (pictured below) is named Badge, the doll girl is named Sorba, with both just being derivatives of "starbage". as such, i'm not sure what to call the robot yet... do i try to keep to the theme, or just do something new? I like the names Mint and Tart, but i haven't decided on anything yet, heheh... I think they're all super cute though, i need to draw them altogether sometime...

My beautiful Badge... farewell for now💫
first real post ~ kail rambles about artistic progress
Posted on: 2025-09-29 11:22:00
hello everyone! I have blog now. How exciting. Thank you to mala/ophanimkei for all of her site help.. without her my website wouldn’t really exist the way it does now, I would still be on neocities surely. And neocities is fine, but.. being able to use php has kind of irreversibly changed my world already idk if I could go back, LOL.

How have things been? Well, pretty all over the place. I recently released a game on my main account after not doing so over a year. It is about feelings related to how terrible this year was. But I think it’s vague enough that anyone can relate to and enjoy it. I would love to release a longer game on starbage soon, but I don’t know if it’s in the cards right now. You may remember the project o was working on— Beneath the Teal Symphony? It’s a 3D game made in the rpgmaker MV3D engine. I do think I will complete it someday, but it’s pretty ambitious so maybe I wasn’t ready to make it yet. I dunno! I had a lot of moments of dwindling activity/lost confidence a lot during the making of HalOPE, so maybe it’ll be like that. Now that I’ve completed bigger games though I guess I feel the need to be faster. Unfortunately I’ve always been someone who does these things at my own pace which is why I can probably never open a patreon unless there’d be an audience for literally everything I draw haha

That’s not to say I’m not making anything though.. currently working on a visual novel for my evil alter ego. Should I even mention that here? Well, who cares. If you know you know. I think visual novels are just easier for me to create right now, but I’ve not thought of a premise for one that would fit the type of work I post on starbage. You know. It probably seems silly to segment myself in such a way, but it’s what makes me most comfortable I think. Heh. 

My creative motivation is in spite of a lot of despair surrounding the state of art, though. A lot of the art I wanted to create would have been profitable just a year ago but is now risky to accept payment for. How fucked up is that? And yet I can’t stop making things. In fact it makes me want to make riskier things. Even BTTS has some themes in it I don’t think payment processors will like, it’s just on a tamer side. Call it spite maybe. For me, I’ve found art is really the only way I’m able to express myself fully (this blog is something of an experiment in that regard) so I have to do it or I will explode and die forever.

Last art-related thing.. hm.. I might start taking commissions soon, because my boss is evil and cutting my hours. Commissions scare me, I’ve only done maybe one or two in the past.. I also am not confident my art will appeal to many people, or I’ll be able to draw just anyone’s chatacter.. mala suggested I do skeb-style, so I think it could be fun. I want to finish my current project first though, less I hyperfixate on the commissions and then neglect it. 

Anyway, thanks for reading.. you may know I’ve had multiple blogs in the past but I always delete them. I’m a pretty shy person you know. But I’d like to not be. I think it is difficult to make connections when you self-sabotage as much as me, and in our current fascist hellscape that’s become a little unbearable. My life is also boring, but I’ll try to yap about things I care about… stop worrying if other people see it… ok, yay. Goodbye for now