It’s time to start living
Posted on: 2026-08-04 21:30:00
READING: before the coffee gets cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi
I keep meaning to make this post but then I keep forgetting. Me and my girlfriend may live together soon. We have been talking about it for a long time, but with the assumption that it would not happen for a long time. Sometime in the next couple of years. Admittedly I’m not sure what I was waiting for. My brother and SIL came home and gave me a big talk about getting my shit together. I can’t blame them, I’m very pathetic. In any case, the desire to move to WA came about, and my brother asked me why I don’t just try and do it if I feel like I can’t get a job here. So, I suppose we have to think about it seriously now.
Admittedly there’s a lot of stressors involved and it feels like more and more only pop up. How do I mail my stuff from home to the new place? How will I get a new job? Will I be able to rely on the nepotism of Cygnus and his connections? How will I cope with no longer having a bedroom of my own? Of living with someone else’s family? I’m just not sure. My social anxiety is bad and I’m straight up agoraphobic again, so moving to another state sounds like a silly idea. But I’ve never had a life goal before this. I like making art but besides that life is quite dull to me. So maybe this is how I make life feel worth living. I’m not sure. Only one way to find out, right?
We are hoping to do this before the end of the year. I’m not sure. I think a lot of my current worries would become inconsequential if I had Cygnus around. He’s not even the best at comforting me all the time but he tries his best and I certainly can’t say that for any other person I’ve ever met. I hope he doesn’t read this it would be embarrassing. I’m excited to live with you even if something horrible happens and all our plans fall through. I’m scared of making you hate me with the way I live but I’m not sure if it’s possible from someone like you.
Well, that’s the big life update. At the moment I’m pretty depressed for other inconsequential reasons but talking about them would be stupid so I won’t. I’ll try to focus on the possible nice things to come even if I believe they will be taken away from me. Closes my eyes.
